A timeline of my activities for today: I slept in until 11:30, went to Oak Ridge with my dad for lunch, we picked up a few things from Wal-mart, I changed (with alot of help from my brother) my windscreen wipers and added fluid, and now I am sitting here about to fall asleep. I really, really want to go to Great Vespers tonight, but I am afraid that if I do, I won't be able to make it to both Divine Liturgy and Latin Mass tomorrow, even if I were to sit the whole time and use my handicapped placard. I am somewhat tired of being tired all of the time, and having to carefully plan what I do, and make decision about what to do (or not do) based upon my energy level and how much I fear that I am going to faint. Ok... enough pity-party for now.
One thing that I hear preached from the pulpit alot is dying to self... to conform your own self-will to that of God's will. Like a grain of wheat that falls to the ground, it must die before it bears much fruit. Though I am frustrated with this illness most of the times, I am am greatful for the opportunities that I am given for growth, for a closer relationship with God, and for learning things, about myself and others. I do not want this cross to carry, but for some reason, this is the cross that God has so lovingly chosen and placed on me. I cannot carry it by myself, and I cannot carry it if I am not following +Jesus Christ+, but in following Him, He can help me carry my burden, and I hope, and pray, that I will be able to help Him carry some of His.
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