I never did make it to Great Vespers last night... Shortly after I posted "Dream a little dream", I went to bed, and didn't wake up until 7:30 this morning. I suppose that I have done way too much this past week without enough resting up in between each activity. Just walking across a big parking lot, or through Walmart afterwards is too much for me at times, and I really, REALLY had to push myself to keep going.
This past Thursday, I had choir practice, up in the choir loft at church. Before that, I prayed Vespers and even by then, I was so exhausted and dehydrated that I couldn't even stand up for the 15 minutes it takes to pray Vespers. Even though I was sitting, I was shaking like crazy. Afterwards, I went out to buy a gallon of Gatorade (which I hate drinking) and chugged it down very quickly. Thankfully, I felt some better and was able to sit for choir practice, so I didn't faint. Again, not scared of fainting in itself... I just don't want to scare whoever is near me if I should faint.
I also am so tired this morning, despite sleeping for so long. I know I didn't sleep for too long, because the few times I woke up (just long enough to check my watch), I wasn't up very long and quickly went back to sleep. I am just tired of missing out on so much... I hate nightclubs, but I wouldn't have minded going to one last night. Or the movies.... or hanging out at a friend's house just talking and watching old John Wayne flicks. I am somewhat angry on what I miss out with POTS, but I can't stay angry, because then that will feed into depression, which will cause me to be able to do even less. I am sick for a reason, and right now, that reason seems to be offering up my sufferings, frustrations, and anger to Christ. Even He didn't want to go through His greatest moment of suffering, but... "Not my will, but thine be done". Lord, help me pray that, with both of my words, and most especially my actions!
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