Thy will be done... oh, how those words truly frighten me! I've always had a stubborn streak at least a mile wide. "I want to do what I want, when I want, and how much I want!!! And I want to do it all NOW!" And then, the pain that has been a constant companion in my life at least since I've been 10, began to get much worse. So I had to slow down, and I couldn't do what I wanted when I wanted, at least not as much. Then, I had surgery to attempt to fix my knees, and unfortunately, the results haven't been the greatest. Even worse, the POTS that I suspect that I've had for most of my life got much, much more debilitating after surgery. And I've had to slow down even more, to where I spend almost a week out of the month pretty much house bound, and some of those days bed bound. My will is not being done at all.
Thy will be done. Ok, God, so your will for me right now is what? For me to slow down? That's already happened. I make a snail look like it's on a nitrous oxide booster at times! Am I supposed to learn something from my disabilities? I am learning patience, I am learning that the policy of 'quality over quantity' is a great one, and I am learning humility, perhaps at times tinging on humiliation, especially when I nearly puke on a professor and nearly faint on my classmates (or visa versa). I know that I am to offer these sufferings up, to join them with those that Christ suffered on the cross, to make up for his lack. Colossians 1:24 "Who (Paul) now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up those things that are wanting of the sufferings of Christ, in my flesh, for his body, which is the Church." I also know that is through these sufferings that I am to reach my full glory, through the power of Christ, if properly used. Romans 8:16-17 "For the Spirit himself giveth testimony to our spirit, that we are sons of God. And if sons, heirs also; heirs indeed of God, and joint heirs with Christ: yet so, if we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified with him."
I know of many, many Saints, who are now in heaven, who suffered greatly, and who were joyful in spite of, and perhaps even because of, their own sufferings. They were able to use those and become very close with Christ. Please God, may I follow that straight and narrow path that has been traveled by so many before me! St. Therese of Lisieux, pray for us! St. Bernadette, pray for us! St. Lawrence, pray for us! St. Agnes, pray for us! St. Agatha, pray for us! All saints, pray for us! Gracious Lord, hear and have mercy!
