It has been awhile since I've written. I suppose I have lost a bit of steam with this blog; however, I suppose that it should be expected that some time has gone by since I've last written, as I have taken a hiatus before.
I am at a loss for words... there is so much I wish to say about how much better I feel since I am not longer eating crap (gluten, processed foods, franken-oils [such as corn and canola], soy, refined sugars...) and since I've quit smoking (over 3 months ago). That I am able to, at least on some days, hike a VERY tough 7 miles (barefoot, of course) and work out my frustrations with the world, or at least worldly ways, through sweating and the burn of my muscles that will hurt like hell for the next week. Not that I'm back to 100%, mind you, but I am not looking at different wheelchair options to see which ones will work best for me (although that is probably still going to be needed... eventually, but I hope to be able to delay it longer). This past fall, I tried a very easy and level half-mile walk, and I was not able to make it half-way, because I could not create enough energy to make it, because I hurt so much that I nearly threw up from the pain, because I was putting Rice Crispies to shame, with all of my "snap, crackle, pop" going on in my joints.
And I am SSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOO grateful that I have some hope of not dying of starvation (which with how I react to even small amounts of gluten, there was NO way I was digesting any of my food when I was eating a large amount)... but, with a renewing health comes struggles and temptations and weaknesses that I have not had to face... at least in the past couple of years, when my health started declining in the first place. One is too much self-reliance and self-ego. I don't feel so weak, and therefore it is SO easy for me to forget Who it is that sustains me, and without Whom I am NOTHING. So many disordered passions have been cropping up STRONG, and I feel as if I am literally at war with the powers of evil. Or, perhaps it is only my false sense of self, that does not even exist. I don't know, nor do I particularly care... Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
Prayers are appreciated!!!
