Which actually somewhat surprises me. I have alot of the symptoms of it, but the results from the radioactive eggs test were normal. Oh well, I do like Waffle House eggs (I live over 45 minutes from the testing center, and I didn't want to have cold eggs when I got there, especially when there is a Waffle House less than a mile from the center), and I'm glad that I don't have another thing to check off when I see a new doctor, but in some ways, I'm disappointed as there isn't a known medical cause for most of my postprandial nausea and bloating. I will be keeping a close eye on my GI doc and suggest tests because I have yet another gut feeling (he he... pun intended) there is something wrong other than the Barrett's esophagus with my stomach. And thus far, I have been 2 for 3 (and the one that I haven't gotten is just a technicality... I think I have EDS, and a geneticist thinks that it's just joint hypermobility syndrome) on these gut feelings, so I've learned that when I am sure something is going on, it pretty much is the case. I tried to argue for over 5 years that I had gallbladder disease with several doctors telling me that the daily stomach pain and nausea that landed me in the ER with an IV of fluids, morphine, and phenergan a few times was just stress when I knew full well that it was more than "just" stress.
And with the POTS, the first moment that I saw the description for POTS, I knew for sure that I had it. With that, thankfully, I didn't have to wait 5 years to be diagnosed. Luckily the first cardiologist my GP referred me to was knowledgeable enough to be able to diagnose me. Unfortunately, however, there isn't much to be done to treat the POTS... the best that can be hoped for is to control some of the symptoms, and so far, the symptoms haven't been under the greatest of control. I have been considering going to Vanderbilt for a clinical study. They haven't come up with any new medications to treat the POTS, but they basically would try me on a different medicine each day and have me rate to see which one works the best and do testing to see if there is anything underlying that could be causing the POTS. While the idea of being in the hospital for 2 weeks doesn't really thrill me, I am willing to do anything to become more functional than I am.
I am ashamed to admit it, but it's been almost 5 days since I've had a shower since I haven't had the energy to do so... and it's pitifully sad about what little energy I've had hasn't accomplished that much. There are so many days that I have to choose between doing the 1-3 things (usually small things that wouldn't take much energy from most people) that I have planned and taking as shower. I can't do both usually. The little things that I used to completely take for granted are the things that cause me the most problems. It is frustrating at times, and I suppose that I could... and maybe even have the right, to sit around and whine all of the time, but in doing that I stay in such a horrible disposition, so I try to limit the time that I have a pity party. So, for the rest of this blog, I will try to keep positive.
From my illness, I have learned most of all patience. It takes me so much longer to do things now that I can't afford to be impatient. It is a waste of energy and of a good mood, so I have to almost force myself to be patient. I have learned how to make decisional according to what is important to me. It is important that I keep living my life to the fullest possible, so I fight through all of the pain and the exhaustion as best as I can. The results at times can be somewhat disastrous, but isn't that the point of life? To make chances, to stretch outside of your comfort zone and just live? I have this (or these) damned illness, it does not have me!!!! I hope that I have more compassion towards everyone, as I don't look like I'm really sick... I do limp quite a bit of the time, and occasionally my cheeks are either bright red when I'm having an adrenaline surge, or pale when I'm close to fainting, or green when I'm close to hurling, but other than that, I don't look sick. How many other people are suffering silently who also don't look sick? Humility is yet another lesson that I have learned. I have to be humble in accepting my limitations, and in asking for help when I need it, and in actually using my handicap placard. It's hard to be prideful when my body functions are slowly decreasing day by day. Also, and perhaps most importantly, I am learning the art... the blessing that suffering can bring. That I can actually have some good to come through the suffering I endure... that I can offer it up in union with Christ's suffering and in doing that I can draw closer to Him. That my suffering also has redemptive value... wow.
That thought gives me such a great sense of humility and wonder. First, that God so humbled Himself to clothe Himself in human flesh for the salvation of the whole human race brings me to my knees (more figuratively, but still.. :D) in adoration. And then in doing so, in lowering Himself to the human race, He invites us up to holiness and a divine life. And for me, a share in that divine life is to offer up my whole self... my joys, my sufferings... my whole life, in fact, as an offering and a sacrifice up to God.
Ok, that's enough deep theology for now. Besides, I am tired and need to try to get to sleep. If you have made it this far, I thank you and am humbly amazed.
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