One of the effects of living in a body that is breaking down well before its time is that I am very, very aware of my own mortality and the fact that my life is extremely finite. I know that my days are numbered, and that even if I were to live an average life span, compared to the whole of history, it is but a drop in the bucket.
While I do mourn that which I will not be able to do, and all that I will miss, I know that my life is not my own. My life belongs to God, and my life is a gift from God. I know that my illnesses are a gift, a beautiful, wonderful and special gift that has been lovingly placed upon me by such a loving God. That my days in bed are NOT wasted time (unless I chose to waste them), and that the sufferings I go through is the means to my own salvation. I am sure, very very sure, that without these thorns in my flesh that I would have NO hope of salvation, that my own will and soul, being unencumbered by such worries, would be even more prone to rebelling against God, and would be more prone to trusting only myself. It is through these thorns that God is working wonderful things in my life, and that He is showing that His grace IS sufficient for me.
1 comment:
"His grace is sufficient, for His power is made perfect in weakness..."
I, too, am so very aware of my mortality - while many people don't understand it... I think it is part of really living life. Each moment is a gift from the hand of my Creator - and I am not able to forget that. However many moments I have... I want to live them in the light of Eternity... in preparation for the end of what is finite by definition. I am grateful for the ability to recognize the gift of Life that I've been given -- however "long" it may be.
~Nonna
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